Join Date: Dec 2007
Subject: Noah's Ark 2008
Be even funnier if it weren't so true.....
In the year 2008 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
England, and said:
'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I
see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of
living thing along with a few good humans.'
He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying: 'You have 6 months to build
the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his
yard, but no Ark.
'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?'
'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed
Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing with the Fire
Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim
that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark
in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my
view it is a temporary structure. We had to then go to appeal to the
Secretary of State for a decision.'
Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to
clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that
the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree
Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special
Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I
tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to
save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They
insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to
put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers
Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted
an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
Commission on how many disabled carpenters I'm supposed to hire for
my building team. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They
insist I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building
To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark. '
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to
destroy the world?'
'No,' said the Lord. 'The British government beat me to it.'
Still not cured of MG addiction
Join Date: Oct 2002
Re: noah 2008
As Homer Simpson says - "it's funny because it's true!"
R.I.P [The Red Zed] MG ZS 180
Join Date: Aug 2005
Re: noah 2008
I like it
2005 Black Pearl MK2 MG ZS 180 V6 (Howlin Wolf)
Piper Stainless Steel Exhaust 100mm Slashcut Catback Growler
Janspeed 100 CPSI Stainless Steel Sports Cat
Janspeed 6-2-1 Stainless Steel Exhaust Manifold
ITG Maxogen Open Cone piped to inner wing
Team Dynamics Pro Race 1.2 Matt Neal Limited Edition Alloys
Vredestein Giugiaro Ultrac Tyres
Lowered 30mm on (Motobuild Koni) Springs
Stainless Steel Catch Tank
Sheddists Clutch Kit
NGK Iridium Spark Plugs
Philips X-treme Power Headlight bulbs
Customised Engine Cover
Rear parking sensors
Team Bobin Head
http://teamvalleylandrover.co.uk/ - MG Rover/Landrover XPART Auto Service Centre
http://www.hiperformanceautocentres.co.uk/ - MG Rover XPART Auto Service Centre
www.exv-mobile.co.uk - Mobile valeter in the Kent Area
LozMachine's better half
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Cockermouth (Cumbria)
Re: noah 2008
|Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)|