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Old 10-06-2008, 08:43   #1
midcuk
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Default noah 2008

Subject: Noah's Ark 2008




Be even funnier if it weren't so true.....



In the year 2008 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in

England, and said:

'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I

see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of

every

living thing along with a few good humans.'



He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying: 'You have 6 months to build

the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40

nights.'



Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his

yard, but no Ark.



'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?'



'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed

Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing with the Fire

Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim

that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark

in my garden because it is development of the site, even though in my

view it is a temporary structure. We had to then go to appeal to the

Secretary of State for a decision.'



Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the

future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to

clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that

the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree

Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special

Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I

tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to

save the owls - but no go!



When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They

insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They

argued the

accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to

put so many animals in a confined space.



Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers

Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted

an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.



I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities

Commission on how many disabled carpenters I'm supposed to hire for

my building team. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They

insist I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building

experience.



To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets,

claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered

species.



So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to

finish this Ark. '



Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow

stretched across the sky.



Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to

destroy the world?'



'No,' said the Lord. 'The British government beat me to it.'
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Old 10-06-2008, 08:48   #2
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Default Re: noah 2008

As Homer Simpson says - "it's funny because it's true!"
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Old 10-06-2008, 09:02   #3
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Default Re: noah 2008

Very good and very true
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Old 10-06-2008, 10:52   #4
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Default Re: noah 2008

I like it
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Old 10-06-2008, 13:09   #5
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Default Re: noah 2008

Good one!
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It gets quite embarrasing at meets when every one is talking like Clarkson and saying stuff like "power" and "horse power".. all I can do is nod and drink me pint!
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